You
said
"Hey!"
My face was buried deep under the pillows, between the sheets of our
bed.
"Hey,"
you went again and poked me in the back. "You there?"
"What?" I mumbled.
"Look at me."
"No,
leave me alone," I pleaded. You said that
"Come
on."
I
sighed things are what you make of them
and slowly turned over to the light and waited until everything got
into focus and you should always look at everything with a
smile and I gradually started
seeing you. It got from a blur and some white noise to a shape and
we should always smile at eachother
then to a a silhouette because what's the point really, you
said, then to you if
we can't laugh even when we can't think of
I saw you smiling. anything but crying.
"What?" I said.
You
were sitting beside me with your hands in your lap. You
said, you wrote that I love you The
window was cracked and only when
the chilled air I love
made me pull on the blankets to myself and
I didn't try and cover
myself but you know what to say
didn't let me.
"Good morning."
"Oh
is it really?" I asked as you put your hand on my face.
"Of course it is," you said with your eyes wrinkled in a
smile.
"I don't feel like doing anything."
"Why's that?" you asked.
"I had a dream," I started.
"About
what?" You asked me
if
you were right. My gut was sending me all sorts of thoughts and I
knew I shouldn't say, that I shouldn't ever say, that I never should
say "I don't know." Because all in all I do know. I do know
something, no matter how insignificant it might seem. Even if I can't
quite put it into words. I like the way you talk. I like the way you
talk to me, the way you speak. I like it when you cry and I love to
make you laugh, but you asked
me.
"I can't quite remember," I said. "But it made me
sad," I followed. "I just want to lie here."
"And
do nothing?" sometimes I just
want
to know that you're out there somewhere. Or rather, around me. In the
corner of my eye. It's like that more often than not. And I mean with
fear. Paranoia even. And when I look there's nothing there. But what
if someday
I looked at you.
"What do you want then?" I managed to ask through my
grogginess.
"Come
on," you said. "Get up and get dressed." you
won't be there?
I
put on some clothes and then we were in front of the building. I
looked around and a few people were passing by. You turned to me and
looked me in the eye.
"What?" I said.
You
reached for my hand and softly took it into yours. Then you held it
tight. You started walking ahead, dragging me like a ragdoll. The
buildings were tall, maybe even ten stories tall. The white
sapphire-tinged air was seeping through the light grey of the city
and at the top you could see the smile of the sun.
Arcadia
was nice in the summer. You said
There's only summer, now that I think of it. There's only been
summer you wrote ever
since I can remember. I can't remember anything else I love
you. We reached the cafe and you
seated me.
"Wait
here," you said only when
you
love then you went inside. After
a while you came out and had a seat beside me.
"It's all going to be alright," you told me. "You
know that, right?"
I
looked into your eyes and I knew. Only when you love
yourself, you said.
"I love you," I said.
"I know," you smiled.
He
asked us what we wanted like it wasn't fucking obvious we went there
for coffee. But I guess that you should always look at things with a
smile. Because what's the point really? I mean if you can't laugh at
things you should cry about, what then? You ordered the cups and we
just sat there looking at the others walking about. I wanted to
whistle you said you'd love me
but I didn't. I guess I liked it quiet like that. I like holding your
hand no matter what.